


frozen and watching as the world passes by

by PurpleCatGhost



Series: HLVRAI Fanfics [5]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: (Not sure what to tag that as but that's kinda important), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Forzen Has A Rough Home Life, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, POV Second Person, Past Benrey/Forzen Mentioned, Possession, Possession is just Game Mechanics but still possession, Slight Implied Forzen/Darnold, Sort Of, Temporary Character Death, That's just implied because its Benrey, This is just a Forzen Character Study because I had THOUGHTS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25092127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleCatGhost/pseuds/PurpleCatGhost
Summary: Your name is Forzen and you have decided to enlist in the military.Your name is Forzen and Benrey is your new best friend.Your name is Forzen and you're having trouble remembering why you're supposed to attack a guy in an HEV suit.Your... Your name is... You don't remember. And you don't know why you just kidnapped a dog.
Relationships: Benrey & Forzen (Half-Life), Forzen & Darnold
Series: HLVRAI Fanfics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744285
Comments: 9
Kudos: 120





	frozen and watching as the world passes by

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I wrote this entirely in Second Person but I did-
> 
> Anyways, I meant to finish this for Forzen Friday but I had a busy day yesterday so it's a bit late but I'm just gonna post it anyways!
> 
> Take some Forzen thoughts! This might become a prologue to another series I have an idea for BUT for now, it's just a lil character study

Your name is Forzen and you enlisted in the military at age 17.

You never graduated High School, which was a surprise to no one. Your parents always said you wouldn’t- they knew you would dropout. Once upon a time, you tried to prove them wrong but after a while, you stopped seeing the point in it. You stopped trying. School never did anything for you anyways.

You’re the middle child of five and the weakest link. Your siblings are either more successful or more lovable than you. Your parents barely pay attention to you anymore, throwing money for food or gas and assuming you’ll handle it yourself. You’re independent but you find that independence is lonely.

You enlist in the military. Hardly anyone in your family bats an eye at it other than your youngest sister. She’s the only one who’s ever paid attention to you. You give her a kind smile when you leave and ruffle her hair. She clings to you one last time and you admit, you look back before you go.

That’s the last time you saw her.

You lied and made yourself a little bit older to enlist. Nobody checks it- you’re let in and starting up boot camp before you know it.

Truth be told, you really would rather be at home watching Irate Gamer and playing online games but you need to find a way to get money. You need a path for yourself. Without a High School diplomat, your options are limited. 

The military feels like your only option. You take it. You’re miserable. You want to go home.

—

Your name is a Forzen and you remember the day you met Benrey pretty well.

The military pops into Black Mesa every once in a while. You mostly find yourself standing around while one of the General screams at some guy in a suit. He gives you the creeps- do his eyes glow or something? You swear to god they do.

One of those days, you’re standing by the door feeling bored out of your mind. Then, a faint singing fills the air. Beautiful singing really, mesmerizing in every sense of the word. Any other day, you would’ve just listened to it while you wait but the fact that the song is from Legend of Zelda makes you follow it.

The music takes you down the hall and into a little corner where a few vending machines are set up. Colorful balls float in the air, seemingly carrying the music along with it. And at the source of it all is a security guard trying to open a bag of chips and failing.

When he notices you, he stops singing for a moment. He asks you if you’re allowed to be here. You tell him that you are, then add in the fact that you quite like his voice and the song. A lazy grin stretches across his face.

His name is Benrey and you talk for a long time. He likes video games too and appears to be around the same age range as you. He’s easy to talk to and has a wicked laugh that’s contagious.

When you hear yelling down the hall, you realize that you need to get back to your post. You wave as you leave and Benrey watches you with half lidded eyes.

The General is pissed at you for leaving but you tell him it was only for a second. He doesn’t seem to know otherwise so he takes your word for it.

The next time you come back to Black Mesa, Benrey finds you and hangs out with you as you stand at your post. You talk and you talk and you talk. About nothing and about everything. You tell him things you’ve never told anybody before- including the fact that the only person you miss in your family is your youngest sister.

Benrey listens and gives you a pat on the back when you finish and sings you a song.

It’s nice. It’s comforting. It’s freeing.

It’s been a long time since you’ve had a best friend but you think you’re ready to have one again.

—

Your name is Forzen and you and Benrey become fast friends and stay that way. 

You have a lot in common. Benrey likes a lot of the same video games as you, enjoys and frequents YouTube, and doesn’t have very many close friends either. Like gears clicking into place, you two just get each other.

Benrey tells you that most of the other soldiers are total dicks. You know the other soldiers well and you agree. Benrey chuckles and tells you you’re the only nice one. It becomes a running joke- special ops Forzen on Team Nice, the only one on the team. Neither of you are even sure why it’s funny anymore but you still laugh.

You laugh because it’s so easy to laugh. Benrey is your best friend and you never want that to change. You’re finally enjoying what you do for once and you want it to last forever.

You and Benrey end up dating for a while- a full year, actually- but in the end you both decide to stay friends. _Best_ friends, of course.

You do both take a brief break from each other after said breakup but it doesn’t last long. Because Benrey is one of the most important people in your life and you could never stay away for long.

—

Your name is Forzen and you’re sent to Black Mesa. You’re told to kill a man in a HEV suit. You don’t know why.

For the first time in years, you don’t see Benrey immediately upon entering Black Mesa. Usually he seems to have a sixth sense about you and seems to know when you’re visiting. He’s nowhere in sight.

However, when the soldiers start shooting every scientist and guard in sight, you’re suddenly relieved Benrey isn’t around. You don’t want to see him get shot.

The deeper and deeper you go into Black Mesa, the more uneasy you get. Your head doesn’t feel right- you don’t feel like yourself. You don’t think much of it at first. Why would you? What do you have to fear?

Then it starts to get weird. You encounter the man in the HEV suit- Gordon Freeman- but you just feel _angry._ Why do you want to shoot him so bad? Why does he annoy you so much? Why does your head feel like _static?_

You get away from him as fast as you can. The feeling fades, but only a little.

You encounter him again later. Benrey is with him- he approaches you. The static gets louder and louder and _louder_ until you can barely think. Benrey looks at you with a blank expression. You realize you don’t recognize him- _he doesn’t feel like Benrey at all._

The static gets unbearable- then it’s gone for a moment. You stare in horror as Benrey is lying on the ground, bleeding from the head. Your finger is on the trigger. You don’t remember it being there. You don’t remember shooting your best friend- assuming that _was_ Benrey… Wasn’t it?

You don’t know. Everything gets so fuzzy and it gets worse when Gordon Freeman approaches you. You can’t think- you really can’t.

You’re aware of what you’re saying is almost nonsense but you don’t know what else to say- nothing else is making any sense. Everything gets jumbled together- you just wanted to graduate, you’re a part of Team Nice and the only member, you’re trying to… Help? You like beyblades?

You try and escape from Gordon Freeman again. Your head clears up but only for a little while. Somehow, he finds you again, and he’s _not_ happy.

He asks you for your name. You… You have a name, right? You know you do- it starts with an F, what was it? You can’t remember. Is that bad? That feels bad.

Gordon Freeman asks how to get out. You remember- Benrey knew this place inside and out, he can lead him. But… But you shot Benrey. You were best friends- _were._ What- what _happened?_ Why did you shoot your best friend? How come you can still live even after getting shot in the face? Why are you having trouble remembering your name? Why do you want to kill Gordon Freeman?

You don’t know. You don’t think you’ll ever know. You don’t think you’re allowed to know.

—

You can’t remember your name and you don’t know why you’ve kidnapped a dog.

It feels wrong. You like dogs- this dog is the most perfect dog you’ve ever seen- but you can’t move. You’re not in control anymore. You don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

How do you know this dog? How did you even get this dog? Sunkist? Is that her name? You’ve never seen her before but somehow, you look at her and you know who she is. Sunkist, she has ties to Tommy. Tommy Coolatta- you remember him. He likes beyblades and is friends with Benrey, right?

Benrey. You don’t know what happened to him. You haven’t seen him since you shot him. Is he okay? Is he dead for good? _Why did you shoot your best friend?_

You don’t know. And when you see Gordon Freeman walk through the doors to your own personal lair, you lose more and more control.

You no longer feel like you’re in your body, but rather watching in third person as someone else animates your body. Like an actor in a play, you-but-not-you threatens to kill Sunkist. Fortunately, Sunkist appears to be immortal and no amount of bullets do anything. Which is good because if Sunkist actually got hurt, you would personally never forgive yourself.

It’s getting dark. Gordon asks you what you want- what your plan is- he’s trying to talk to you and you… 

Your time is up. Darkness swallows you whole and you can’t remember why or what it was all for.

You can’t even remember your name.

—

You’re falling… Falling eternally for eternity and honestly, you don’t think you care anymore.

Until it’s bright again and you take in your first breath for what feels like ages and you get a mouth full of _fresh air._

You’re outside, no longer in Black Mesa- you’re not even sure you’re in New Mexico anymore. You lay against lush grass and you _breathe_ and you’re clean. No blood, no grime, like a fresh slate, you come back into the world, still in your soldier uniform but without the gun.

You stare at the bright, blue sky. You don’t know how long you stay there before a shadow looms over you. You blink, tensing up and expecting something threatening- an alien, another soldier, your General, Gordon Freeman, or Benrey-But-Not-Benrey- but it’s none of those things.

Kind brown eyes peer down at you. A man you’ve never seen before stands before you. He has dark skin, short, curly hair and is wearing a scientist outfit. He blinks when you meet his eyes, head tilting slightly.

“Uh, hello? You’re- you’re not gonna shoot me, right?”

You blink. Twice, then three times. “Why would I do that?” Your voice- god, how long has it been since you said something that makes sense? Since you’ve had a clear head? All static is gone as if it was never there and honestly, you feel weirdly dizzy because of it.

“Oh- good!” The scientist smiles at you and offers you a hand. You take it, getting back on your feet and almost immediately falling back down. Your vision swims and the only thing that keeps you standing is the fact that you’re still holding onto the scientist. His other hand flies to your shoulder, eyes wide as he steadies you. “Whoa! You- are you alright there?”

“Yeah…” You manage to say. The scientist doesn’t seem convinced in the slightest. “Just, uh… Been awhile since I thought for myself.”

You pause. That was a weird thing to say, wasn’t it? 

Thankfully, the scientist gives you a patient smile. “The game has a way of doing that. Certain code to follow, you know. It sucks but- well, the hard part is over! Beat the game and all.”

You… You don’t understand what he’s saying. “Game?”

“Oh, right uh, not everyone figured that out, did they?” The scientist chuckles nervously.

He tells you about it. How you live in a video game, how the life you lived before the game was all your own since the game needs life and backstory to its characters, how the game needs certain events to happen and there’s no getting out of them sometimes, and how they’re all free now, no strings attached.

And as impossible as it sounds, you _know_ it’s true. Every word of it makes sense somehow- it explains everything you were experiencing. And you have to sit back down to process it all.

The scientist stays with you, which you’re grateful for but also… Confused about. You ask him and he just smiles. “I would’ve liked someone around when _I_ learned this stuff so I guess it’s my way of making sure it doesn’t happen to others.”

You like him, you decide. He’s handsome for one, helpful for another, and so very kind. It’s been awhile since someone’s been gentle with you. It’s been… A _very_ long time in fact. You can’t even remember when. Most of your family rarely paid attention, the army pulled no punches and never let you show weakness and while Benrey is your best friend (Was your best friend?), he wasn’t the best with meeting the problem head on to solve it, more the type to distract you from it.

This scientist is one of the kindest people you’ve ever known and you _just met him._

Huh. You’re kinda fucked up. 

“Thanks.” You tell him. “I… Don’t think I got your name.”

“Oh, it’s Darnold!” He tells you. _Darnold._ You like that name, you decide. “And what’s yours?”

You open your mouth to tell him you don’t remember but-

But… You do now. No static, no out of body experience, nobody else behind the wheel.

It’s just you. 

“My name is Forzen.” You say out loud. And everything feels right again. 

Darnold grins at you. “Well, nice to meet you, Forzen! Welcome to the Aftergame!”

Darnold holds out his hand.

Your name is Forzen and you started out with a bad hand but you powered through it. You enlisted in the military when you were 17 but now you find out it was all a game and now, you have a feeling that you can leave that all behind and finally be free. You don’t know what happened to your best friend- you hope he’s okay- and you kidnapped a dog when you weren’t feeling yourself- _oh god, you still will never forgive yourself_ \- and you forgot your name for awhile but now, you’re back in control. There’s a new life for you, ripe for the picking, and you can’t wait to get started.

You grab Darnold’s hand and shake it.

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many Forzen thoughts but they're barely coherent but I finally sat down and wrote THIS so here's a lil Forzen Character Study!  
> Notes!
> 
> \- I am a firm believer in the hc that Forzen and Benrey used to date and I love to pepper this in, even just a little bit
> 
> \- I also saw a bunch of hcs where Forzen kinda either got tricked into enlisting or just regretted it immediately and has no idea what he's doing and decided to kick it up a notch and it became, "Being an NPC in a video game sucks actually but now it's Forzen Edition" and that's basically the entirety of this
> 
> \- I almost didn't include the end but it felt so grim that I was like, "Nah. Happy ending time, here's Darnold" 
> 
> \- This makes me wanna write more of Darnold and Forzen, I don't write enough of them and I think they're neat-
> 
> Anddd that's it! Just a lil short this time. Comments are veryyyy appreciated and encouraged, and thank you for reading!


End file.
